(Non)Commitment, a Love and Hate Struggle?
Sometimes needed, sometimes wanted, often challenging.
"Commitment" – it’s a word we often hear, yet it feels increasingly complex in our modern world. Today, many of us experience life as a series of rapid changes, shifting priorities, and endless possibilities. This constant flux can make committing to a person, a project, or even an idea daunting. The very nature of commitment requires us to put stakes in the ground, even while the world around us encourages flexibility, exploration, and the pursuit of the "next thing."
In our interconnected, digital age, we're surrounded by options and alternatives – in careers, relationships, and even in our sense of identity. This can create a fear of missing out, making us hesitant to fully invest ourselves in one path, one cause, or one community. We may wonder: What if something better comes along? What if things go wrong? How do we sustain commitment when doubt, distraction, or difficulties arise?
On Saturday the 26th of October 2024, we had another Worldwork Journalism session (1st of cycle IV). This time we came together from Kenya, Ukraine, Germany, Spain, Thailand, Switzerland, Lithuania, Russia, the Netherlands, and the UK. As usual, the co-creative process started with an online Worldwork session (facilitated dialogue) for 30-40 minutes, before everybody captured their own experience in words, and deepened personal highlights by writing and sharing some of the personal story it evoked.
Here are the shared reflections of the ‘world work journalists’ after the facilitated dialogue on ‘Commitment’. By sharing our experiences, we all might find new insights into what commitment means today, and how it can become a source of strength and connection, even in times of uncertainty.
As a reader, you are also invited to share your perspective on the topics or delve deeper into the aspects discussed by participants, in the comments below.
Hidden commitment.
Sometimes I feel tired of leading and holding space. Holding space for all free birds that have the privilege to decide spontaneously if they join or not. I actually love to decide in every moment what best can happen in this very moment, but as a leader I feel people count on me and my presence. I felt especially touched when someone spoke about the not-seen commitment and the love it holds. I want to know more about that and explore how the co-lovers would like to contribute. I can not imagine spending my time better. I feel love for the cause and the people that joined the invitation and I can’t wait to read the personal writing and co-craft stories out of that…
Stephie B, Germany.
Sadness.
Sadness has become very present for me in this conversation, and in some way, it needs more attention. It is the loneliness of the leader, it is also the resistance of the world to change. In some way, it overwhelms me, and above all, I tell myself that sadness has to have a place in this world. Sometimes seeing the other side means not going so fast, giving more space to co-create. Listen to the voices that say “I am different.” When our feelings, when our being can express itself, there can be communication with the other side; Commitment is love…
Pepa, Spain.
Enthusiasm turning into tyranny.
What often starts as an interesting endeavour, a joint effort to create something, can easily turn into a power battle when we have different levels of commitment. If I try to establish an agreement (just making a request!) on how to communicate about attending or not attending, suddenly I am seen as pushy. I find this unfair. I put my energy into the collaboration, and I feel responsible. It was a relief to share about my inner struggle today, my struggle to connect people around an idea or activity, while giving space to different degrees of commitment. I feel hurt and sad, thinking of stepping back and distancing myself. Hearing the other side accepting responsibility for their impact, the ones that feel oppressed by the enthusiasm and pushing for clarity of the initiator or leader, was a solace.
Birgitta Schomaker, The Netherlands.
🎵 It's love, love, love 🎶.
I entered this process deeply touched by a personal experience from the past week. Usually, I am not particularly forthcoming with deeply personal topics within group settings. It felt very enriching that we ended up going for commitment as a topic that is so closely connected to the one I brought up. What touched me deeply was when love entered the stage. I still do not have words for why it moves me so much that love appears to be such a strong element in commitment. Yet, it also seems to hold so much revelatory power for me. Love as a role has also moved me because I strive to act, speak, and do from a place of love. Love is a powerful force, poetically speaking, maybe even the most powerful force. So compassionately, I also understand a person’s hesitation to commit, since powerful forces and emotions can feel daunting and overwhelming. I take with me the realisation that commitment between two people requires an equal sharing of power. I leave our group process full of learnings and reflections and am so grateful for being part of such a committed group of individuals.
Stephanie F, Berlin.
Commit or not commit.
My experience was a little different in that I could only listen, but in doing so I had wonderful inner conversations within. "I have so much love to give..." I felt, yet within I wondered...? "What about me?" And then it hit me. You can't give what you don't have. It's got to start from within..."So its been inside all along then?" That's the message I needed and thats the message my body tried to get me to understand. I have a selfless duty to myself first, against my inner critic and towards my inner growth journey. I gotta nourish myself and get strong enough to feed others….
Cynthia, Kenya.
Awareness before commitment.
This was a very moving process for me. From commitment to rules, from oppressing to loving, from being enthusiastic to forgetting the people who need more space and time to weighing the options, to painting the picture with care and not rushing into things. Right now I feel awash in the different roles and positions. For me, it is necessary to be aware of that before I commit. At least that is what I recently learned about myself. If I can still commit to being aware of failure at the same time then I can be sure that I commit to what I love. That is an ongoing process of learning and becoming aware and bending in the winds and maybe even storms of misunderstandings between so diverse players and stakeholders. As I am adding these last words Halloween or - in the older tradition - Samhain has started and I am so happy to feel my spirit family gathering. Yes, dear me: remember spending a few minutes - or more - being dead to regain your bearings.
Gitta, Germany.
Request to commit?
Commitment is born of love, born of interest, of enthusiasm, of passion.
Damn those who commit – for they are the trouble-makers, the rule-breakers, the challengers, the power fighters, and all so often they are seen as and sometimes really turn into… tyrants. Bless those who commit differently. In a bold way. In a silent way. Taking space. Needing more space. Acting fast. Taking time. With all that, I struggle – does personal commitment to any other adult human being (not talking of one’s own children) ever make sense? What does it even mean? And after all, isn’t a single, most profound, universal and somewhat impersonal truth (that of a buddhist vow kind) the only thing worth committing to?
Vlad, Russia.
Commitment Vs Praise.
From school I remembered that If I do everything that is required they will love me, I will deserve praise if I do as expected. But is it a true commitment or my twisted interpretation? Encourage me to step in my leadership, if I am silent or not following your instructions or ideas, it does not mean that I am not committed. I am just different. I am sad if you do not hear me, as commitment comes out of love and care, people think you have the power and I need to defend my choice. Give me more space, share your ideas with me, so we can commit to this commitment together.
Tanya, Ukraine.
Leadership and Love.
Photo by Mark Duffel on Unsplash
Commitment is love and it needs connection, time for this love, and openness, there are very different ways to show your commitment and love, and there is no guarantee that it will succeed. Leaders must make room for the love that wants to unfold. Love needs nourishment. To take care of this, that is leadership, too. Leadership for commitment and love can also mean that people get the room/opportunity/skills to create an appreciative space for co-creation or that they get support to create this space in a way that suits them and that suits the vision and purpose of the project. My feeling is that there is more and more work to do which is not so agreeable and creative e.g. Instagram Posts. Commitment is also connected to ownership. But we also have to realise that the pressure on each individual is increasing due to the state of the world. We are part of it and we cannot detach ourselves from it. Without Meaningfulness, there is no commitment. Then, we will have to talk about what makes sense and what is worth the effort.
Gesa, Germany.
More air to breathe in and out.
The topic of commitment and the group process got me into mixed feelings. On one side I perceive commitment as something where I have my dedication, my passion and love. On another side I feel a polarising voice over me because it’s like a voice that is coming from outside, and dictates me those goals, rules. Hearing different voices and changing roles with intention and compassion for all sides has been a big learning for me on how to have more readiness to follow, more agency and awareness and not bringing harm to others, neither to myself. There’s more air to breathe in and breathe out, more love, cooperation and co-creation. So was the atmosphere during the group process, all about relationships and shared responsibility and fluidity. It was very touching and beautiful and I feel grateful to everyone for creating such a unique space.
Marina, Ukraine/Germany.
Link between commitment and love.
Every time someone spoke I could feel an energy in me and I could feel that part in me. I can feel the leader role and the switch from leader to dictator the more I don’t feel commitment from others in something I feel strongly, the more I have a part in me that feels a deep compelling urge to find ways to make them commit… I also strongly recognise in me the strong pull away from commitment to wanting anarchy and freedom. The biggest shift I felt was recognising the link between commitment and love and seeing how the dictator role and the role of pushing against commitment pushes love and passion away.
Philipa, the UK.
I keep going, out of love.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
Who are you to tell me that I need to commit to something? Who gave you permission to disturb my freedom?
I know what it’s like to commit and follow the rules and take on responsibilities and hate myself for not being able to follow these responsibilities because they are not really my choice. And then someone says - love. We can only commit out of love. And everything shifts. Yes, LOVE. I realise that I am deeply committed to my family, my partner and children, for many many years. It is something that is not seen or valued in the outside world. I am grateful for this power of love to help me to commit to something so truly, to care so deeply.
Kazimiera, Lithuania.
Inner compass vow commitment
🪨🎍 As we started out the topic, I forgot what my role was and just observing and absorbing all the conversations until I raised my hand to speak last. Tears still in my eyes. 🪷🪷 The Role that I love and Embodying was the role Of Bodhisattva who has thousands of rules they are devoted to commit their entire life. "Listening to all sufferings and pain" with their 1,000 hands ready to help those who are in need.
🧘♀️🧘♀️ Bodhisattva are committed to ease the suffering of all living beings. Receiving the pain and disease of others and giving your own happiness for them. Only this way as a Vessel towards helping humans to become soft and feel loved. 🦋🦋 Being centered in my Own Inner-Power helps me navigate through life and Love is always my compass to guide me where I should go next. Can you guess which side always wins?
Life.
Perry, Thailand.
Thank you to all Worldwork Journalists involved in this conversation and sharing their personal experience. And a special thanks to Stephanie F. and Perry to joining Cynthia and myself, Stephie B., in editing!
And you, dear reader, which voice speaks to you? What is this topic and our shared voices evoking in you, any committment story or insights coming up? we are looking forward to engage with you in the comment section!
Apart from commenting below, we invite you to read and join the conversation here on Substack regularly by subscribing. We are grateful for every comment, as it enriches our conversations and supports this tender plant's growth.
About 🌏 Worldwork
Worldwork is an application of Processwork also known as process-oriented psychology. As a psychological and conflict-resolution approach developed by Arnold Mindell in the 1970s, it's based on the principles of Jungian psychology, Taoism, and systems theory, and it is used in various settings, including therapy, organizational development, community building, and conflict resolution. At its core, Worldwork aims to explore and understand both individual and collective processes in order to address conflicts, promote personal growth, and create more harmonious relationships within groups and communities. It focuses on bringing awareness to marginalized or ignored perspectives, as well as the deeper layers of consciousness within individuals and groups.
Editors of this space
Cynthia Wanjihia is a passionate Process Work student as well as a Cyber Security student. She is open minded in world work as well as inter-generational relationships hoping to relate to all and create a safe space to feel heard and share their story.
Stephanie Bachmair (B.ONFIRE/DD Alliance) is a communication enthusiast, facilitator, leadership coach, and process work diplomat. She supports individuals, teams, and organizations to explore and craft their stories, tell them with charisma, relate to their audience, and increase their transformative power through dialogue.
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I am impressed with the mixed feelings expressed. It feels great to be present in the moment with everyone as they go through their phases in life yet so far!
It feels safe if the writings can depict true emotions.
Lots of love,
Mildred.